backwards and insideout.

have you ever thought about how something completely opposite from you, can turn you upside-down and turned around from how your feeling or who you are?

not make any sense?

try this for a change.

im a strange person.

  thats just how life is. :) 

but im happy in my odd ways :)

...my best friends are all completely different. like...try comparing a tomato to a lawn chair different. but funny thought...

how is it that my best friend, the most negative person in the ENTIRE WORLD~seriously~makes me the HAPPIEST person in the world? it makes absolutely no sense. i spend much time with him and i listen as he complain about the small things-doing chores for his mom-simple things that arent the worst thing (he could be digging holes in the dessert!) but at the same time, hes humorous about it...that or i find it funny...and he laughs with me as i laugh at his complaining :)

it should bring down my spirits too shouldnt it? why is it that when EVERYONE else complains about everything, i get frustrated and wish that they would stop complaining....but when he complains...i get filled with little happy bugs? and then when i leave his house...i feel exposed because everyone can see how big im smiling :) and then i dance around my house for a little while..nbd. i dont think its his complaining that gets me that way...but. who knows :)

i am happy.

who makes you happy? <3

a crazy little thing called "love"

so chorale, (my school choir of 86 lovely souls) traveled to fox 10 news today and a close friend of mine since junior high and i were talking about kissing...

random?! awkward? ....interesting? -check yes to all of the above! haha

the conversation carried on for a long space of time until it came upon me talking about love.

love has no need to be extremely CONFUSING. love is love. its one of the most simple, yet, most complicated things ever known to man's feelings! ~literally..~ but talking about love with this boy...it filled me with joy to know that there was a boy out there doing something right. he believed he was in love, and i believe him. because love is...

1. he Knows how to make you smile when you are down. 

2. being happy everytime you are around the other person

3. Stick up for you but still be respectful of your independence.

4. Sacrifice things that they know they shouldnt be doing or thinking because the thought of hurting their lover would be too much to bear.

5. do little romantic things because thats the easiest way to show what she means

6. writes songs for his love (if he has that talent)

7. he could never bear the thought of lying to his love and the same for you.

8. really knows his lover...knows everything. and could never keep a deep dark secret.

9. Offer you plenty of massages-to relax the body and mind.

10.. Dance with you even if he feels like a dork.

11. Never run out of love.

12. Be funny, but knows when to be serious.

13... Realize he's being funny when he needs to be serious..

14. Be patient in everything

15. its easy to be open, and if you arent open, he comfortably helps you to open up to him because he wants to make up for everything that has closed you.

16. you find yourself smiling at your every thought of him.

17. inside jokes. up to the brim and spilling over!!!

18. Appreciate you.

19. Help others out.

20. Drive five hours just to see you for one hour.

21. Always give you a peck on the cheek when you depart from each other's company............... even when friends are watching.

22. he will sing for you, even if he can't.

23. He has a creative sense of humor... or develops one because he wants to make you smile.

24. if he stare at you...for no reason-he cant believe he found someone quite like you.

25. when he calls for no reason-you know he cant live without your voice.

these are only a few!!! but never believe that love does not exsist. love takes time. if you want it to last, you have to TRY. you have to keep hope until after you die.

your heart may break.

your lover may leave you for someone else.

your lover may die.

but there is someone, for everyone. if you give up-its more likely that you will never find that "one". love takes patience. love takes kindness. love takes time.

but hey, im just a kid. what am i worrying about? i cant think ill find a lover my senior year of high school-heh. :) i smile because i love my friends and who they make me. god loves me. god loves you. never convince yourself otherwise, cuz whether you believe it or not, it will be forever true. love exsists. <3

happiness.

so...i went on vacation to utah last week for thanksgiving break and realized how much i love my friends at home. i thought all about what it would be like if i had never had them in my life and how grateful for them i was. there has been so much going through my mind lately and life has been taking its crazy, spontaneous curls and all these little invisible walls keep smaking me in the face..watch out for those p.s. (they arent easily seen..heh) but i came to this solution:

friends are one of gods greatest gift :)

they may not always be around or have the time to tell you they love you,
but...

a BEST FRIEND loves you no matter what.

when i got home, my bestie poo sent me a message telling me he missed me...
and it just makes me want to scream thanks 
to my god for helping me to find someone 
as grand as holden.
ya. 
anyone can be jealous that that spaz of happiness, is one of my favorite best friends.

oh the feeling of being missed.

what could be better? 

i freaking love life right this second. :) <3