discover yourself, discover love.

lazy daisys

gardening

 HOW TO GROW SUNFLOWERS:

step 1: plant the seed in dirt

step 2: give it water 

step 3: give it sunshine and lovin' 

(aka oxygen-sweet talk it)

step 4: wait for it to grow..and...

WALA!

your sunflower baby is all grown up in a matter of weeks! not all of the buds may have survived...but the beauty of the flower makes all the time waiting worth while.

people will be envious of your beautiful flower. you took such good care of it, so you let them gaze and wish...

CRAP! what the heck person.

look at your flower! you think if you dont water your flower and give it love that the SUN will do that for you? 

eeer! wrong!

i guess i wasnt clear with my instructions on how to TAKE CARE of the flower after it has already grown! but it should be a given...

growing a sunflower is like growing a friendship.

if you dont take proper care of it, it will end up like this.

just because it is still a sunflower, doesnt mean its healthy and alive. 

most likely it doesnt even smell good anymore!

eventually...

it will die beyond repair.

it will become an ashy and ugly stick in your pot.

and soon enough, you might as well take it out and plant a new flower. 

so there you have it folks! how to grow a sunflower, just like growing and taking care of a friendship! good luck! hope yours survives :) but as long as you give it lovin' and water-youll be good :) 

<3

new job.

dear new job,

you start tomorrow and this is how you are making me feel.



im great with change, can't you tell? i LOVE change...i just will have to grow back all my hair before i get used to it :)

dont get me wrong, the job itself will be the BEST THING EVER. but the only problem now is that i am switching from one program for developmentally disabled clients to a completely different one,

different rules

different kids

different everything.

but lo! i will make tomorrow a great day because there is no point wasting it. 

life is given to us to discover new boundaries to conquer everyday.

im just excited that my new boundaries are full of non-average kids!  :) 

<3

spiritual giants.

this may seem like a typical churchie church song...

but it is one of the most beautiful songs i have ever heard.

i hope you have a beautiful day and feel the love of god in your day.

he is the source of all that we are.

i know that he lives, and that he would do anything to make sure my life is all that i want it to be. 

my love for my god is as unstoppable as his love for me.

today is a great day to live. 

live yours the best you can.

but make someone else's just a little better today.

live today, as if christ was walking right next to you......

because, in reality, he's there.

 even if you cant see him.

faith is believing something not with your eyes, 

but with your heart.

he lives. <3

story of my life.....at the moment.

this can be either way:you have lost connection to someone..or the other way around.

its super awkward. 

what are you supposed to do in that situation? 

i prefer to laugh it off...but uh..the world is not as insanely odd as i am.

but come on world, when the tough gets going,

life's too short to NOT just burst out in laughter.

enjoy the difficult times when you can.

turn a negative situation into a positive situation. :) <3

leaving the past

"LEAVING THE PAST, TO THE PAST, AND MOVE ON

I THOUGHT I COULD NEVER DO IT

I THOUGHT MY WORLD WILL STOP TURNING

I THOUGHT MY WORLD WILL COME TO AN END

I WAS LOCKED IN MY MISERY GAZING AT MY DOOM

THINKING AND FEELING ONLY OF MY PAIN

I WAS IN UTTER DISTRACTION COVERING MY PAIN

I WAS KILLING TIME AND SPENDING MONEY

GOING TO DIFFERENT PLACES AND BE WITH ANYONE

I WAS LAUGHING AND DANCING MY LIFE AWAY

EVERYTHING WAS TEARING ME UP INSIDE

NO ONE SEES AND TAKES NOTICE OF ME

I WAS COMPLETELY LOST IN MY MISERY

ONLY I CAN CHANGE, ONLY I CAN STOP MYSELF

I CAN STAY OR I CAN TAKE A STEP AND MOVE ON"

-Reel Wander <3

eminem speaks wisdom

i am currently addicted to this song,

listen to what he says.

he's right. 

sometimes we lie to protect ourselves from what we know will cause pain to us or others,

sometimes we keep it bottled inside so long that it becomes atomic.

sometimes we tell people things that they do not understand completely.

sometimes we gash ourselves open with the truth and the atomic bomb goes off.

sometimes we say all the right things, but they are heard in all the wrong ways.

sometimes you love so much that it suffocates you and you are trapped.

but there is always hope. 

you are never alone. 

no matter how much wrong you have been through,

there is always a light.

there is no end to goodness. 

<3

its times like this, a girl could use......her best friend.

its very hot,

very short,

and sometimes..it can be a very big reality check.

i feel kinda jipped because my friends haven't been calling me-its mostly just been me to them.


but hey. at least someones doing it...right?


lately ive been missing my best friend on his mission very much.
he is an amazing kid and we have gone through a TON together, despite the fact that he has always lived in utah...and i have always lived in arizona...thank goodness efy! he was the best thing that ever came to me through ALL the Especially For Youth camps..


in his last letter to me he asked me to read a talk by president monson and i found possibly the GREATEST quote..

" True love can alter human lives and change human nature."

how true this statement is. 
and how selfish i have felt for getting upset with people over the simplest things. 
never forget to make sure that those you love, KNOW that you love them.


you never know how much a simple
"i love you"
can change 1 person.
...or quite possibly just human nature as well.
<3

the true thread.

Sometimes when I am thinking about my simple life I feel as If a great force is taking over me. sometimes I feel torn or even tortured within myself and I can feel that my body and soul are constantly fighting for something. I believe that something to be my sanity.

Life is never easy. Sometimes we are faced with death of the closest love to our heart, or perhaps we are cursed with love towards another who does not seem to share the intimate power of the pull.

All I know, is that love exists and is all that matters. Without it, nothing matters. Love is the very thread that keeps us bound together. Anatomy can teach what it likes but the true molecules that keep our very skin and organs intact, is love.

Everyone is born with it. You cannot stop it. Some may hide it, others may abuse it. But love is unstoppable gift.

The only problem, is sometimes, when you love too much, it gets the best of you. And it tortures you. Tortures you to the very pulp. But what better thing to be tortured by than by love itself?

I wish that people would not forget the gift they had.

But what is love?

It is one of the most difficult traits to describe. Simple LOVE is caring, empathizing, forgiving, respecting, giving, charity, understanding, guarding, guiding, striving, dedicating, sacrificing, appriciating and so many more things. But of all, love is real. It is no santa clause or tooth fairy. It is no myth or fantasy. But it is a gift and a tool.

It is for you. To give and to receive. If you are never shown any in your lifetime, it is up to you to make sure that no one is left with the same misfortune as you. Although, I know for a fact, that if you never stop giving love and sharing it with others, you will never stop receiving it. Yes. There may be times when it is not given to you,

 but

 you will still never stop being given it back.  <3

"turn a negative to a positive"

"you have options. 

you can either continue to be miserable or you can just stop being 

angry at everyone and accept the way things are. 

allow yourself to live."

-ghost town <3

so he became a stranger...

you once held my heart in your hands
it was only for you-so i became untouchable.
i never let myself love another, you were my one and only.


as a child, never did i dream of danger when i imagined love.
the prince was always perfect. he would never do anything to harm his princess.


my love for you, i thought, became unquenchable-
i thought i could never get my fill.


i believed in a little thing called love.






it has been a year since you broke my heart, 
but i am as strong as a mighty stone.
i am as tough as dry hide.


i am tangible.


she makes you cry.
but i laugh, because you are caught in her blinding web.
you should have thought twice. 
but i am never going back.


Sing when life falls apart, dance to keep together a tearing heart, smile because there is a god, and he loves you. Save your tears for the real fears. 


But never stop the music of life..


 There are so many songs to be discovered <3

cloud watching.

"we all see the same sky. 

even you.

 it’s what we see in the sky that makes us different." <3

butterflies.

now how do you expect me to get any sleep with you haunting my bowels?

it seems to me, that the moment i rid you of my soul, 

you fly right on back inside of me.

i am always conscious of you.

can everyone else see them too?

how embarrassing that must be for those who do see.

you are a part of me.

i cannot or refuse to force you to stay away.

but i will not allow you to settle in my heart. 

you have been there before and that did not make anyone happy.

so stay in my bowels my little friend. 

 you make me smile every time i feel you fly. 

but please settle soon, people are beginning to ask questions. <3

perspective

"life is the ability to feel so happy, you think your insides are going to explode. 

it's being so upset or disappointed, you feel as if your stomach just dropped ten feet out of place.

it's running so hard, you can barely breathe.

it's the feeling of panic when you know you've been caught doing something wrong. 

it's having that sudden rush before you kiss someone you care about. 

it's opening your eyes and feeling them sting because you spent the whole night crying. 

it's letting people go because new ones come in, and all the while 

realizing that life doesn't have a purpose 

unless you let it." <3

lets test those ears of yours my dear :)

sometimes we feel like little fireflies

free

bright

safe

until walls of glass encompass your world and you begin to panic.

you begin to suffocate in this mysterious jail

only when you fall and begin to lose your light does the curious child realize you are not enjoying your new home.

you plead and beg that the child will release you. 

with a confused look, the child opens the lid and you find yourself and fly free.

but how often does the child ignore your pleads?

through the greeks we learn

Agamemnon ignored his daughter Iphigenia when she plead for him 

to save her from his priests who wanted to sacrifice her

 for good weather on the sail across the sea to the war of troy.

he was her father.

she loved him.

but he didnt listen.

be like the child 

dont be stupid. 

listen.

is that really so difficult? sometimes it only takes a few minutes--
--other times, a few seconds.

listening shows love and consideration and respect.

the only thing i would ever ask, is that you would just listen. <3

its all about the timing.

the epitame of awesomeness.

that cool lady up there?

shes my mom.

its her 32ndish birthday today :) 

(not really)

shes pretty awesome.

i kinda love her a bunch. she does EVERYTHING for me. Mom is full of jokes, sarcasm and is a great teacher. She makes the BEST dinners and there has never been one day that has gone by that i have not loved her any less.

she loves teaching her preschool and playing strategy games with the fam. She never stops giving and never stops loving. Mom has the most amazing testimony and has sacrificed so much for her beliefs. She is one of the stongest woman i have ever had the chance to know.

you should meet her. 

i think you would like her. 

i do. : ) <3

yearning for a dream just out of reach.

fingers tingling. 

heart stops beating.

earth stops spinning.

dreams begin colliding.

ballet. 

some people believe it is for sissy's.

then why does it take years of training before it even looks decent?

ballet.

peace.

resolve.

passion. 

heartbreak.

ballet.

ever since i was 3, dance has been my passion.

dance has been in the very marrow of my bones.

it is my drug.

my solace.

my regret.

if she ever knew how much i depended on it...how long i cried when she told me i could no longer have it.

i chose everything over dance. 

but you know moms-they want you to try everything to see if your talents lie elsewhere.

i say that music is my life. 

it is.

but i feel like, possibly in heaven, i was apart of a ballet.

ballet.

i have always desired with my soul for the wooden shoes that rip your feet apart.

willing to sacrifice my feet to the pain of passion and happiness.

there is nothing in the world i dream for more than to spend the rest of my life dedicated to it.

the year i returned to jazz, was the best year and a half of high school.

my biggest fear, is growing old-never having done anything with this yearning in my soul for dance. 

it eats at me day by day.

pricks my toes while sitting in school.

pulls at my waist when i walk.

ballet.

what is success to me?

confidence.

living dreams.

planting a garden.

never putting an end to what you love.

this is how i musicify my life. 

ballet.

midnight in my room.

dinner time in my kitchen.

waiting for shower water to boil.

late in the rain.

my free time, is dance.

 it means more than boys

food

money

love

freedom

it has been there when i could find nothing.

am i good?

no.

but who says "to have a passion, you must be good at it." <3

mixed feelings.

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
Maya Angelou