discover yourself, discover love.

gardening

 HOW TO GROW SUNFLOWERS:

step 1: plant the seed in dirt

step 2: give it water 

step 3: give it sunshine and lovin' 

(aka oxygen-sweet talk it)

step 4: wait for it to grow..and...

WALA!

your sunflower baby is all grown up in a matter of weeks! not all of the buds may have survived...but the beauty of the flower makes all the time waiting worth while.

people will be envious of your beautiful flower. you took such good care of it, so you let them gaze and wish...

CRAP! what the heck person.

look at your flower! you think if you dont water your flower and give it love that the SUN will do that for you? 

eeer! wrong!

i guess i wasnt clear with my instructions on how to TAKE CARE of the flower after it has already grown! but it should be a given...

growing a sunflower is like growing a friendship.

if you dont take proper care of it, it will end up like this.

just because it is still a sunflower, doesnt mean its healthy and alive. 

most likely it doesnt even smell good anymore!

eventually...

it will die beyond repair.

it will become an ashy and ugly stick in your pot.

and soon enough, you might as well take it out and plant a new flower. 

so there you have it folks! how to grow a sunflower, just like growing and taking care of a friendship! good luck! hope yours survives :) but as long as you give it lovin' and water-youll be good :) 

<3

new job.

dear new job,

you start tomorrow and this is how you are making me feel.



im great with change, can't you tell? i LOVE change...i just will have to grow back all my hair before i get used to it :)

dont get me wrong, the job itself will be the BEST THING EVER. but the only problem now is that i am switching from one program for developmentally disabled clients to a completely different one,

different rules

different kids

different everything.

but lo! i will make tomorrow a great day because there is no point wasting it. 

life is given to us to discover new boundaries to conquer everyday.

im just excited that my new boundaries are full of non-average kids!  :) 

<3

spiritual giants.

this may seem like a typical churchie church song...

but it is one of the most beautiful songs i have ever heard.

i hope you have a beautiful day and feel the love of god in your day.

he is the source of all that we are.

i know that he lives, and that he would do anything to make sure my life is all that i want it to be. 

my love for my god is as unstoppable as his love for me.

today is a great day to live. 

live yours the best you can.

but make someone else's just a little better today.

live today, as if christ was walking right next to you......

because, in reality, he's there.

 even if you cant see him.

faith is believing something not with your eyes, 

but with your heart.

he lives. <3

story of my life.....at the moment.

this can be either way:you have lost connection to someone..or the other way around.

its super awkward. 

what are you supposed to do in that situation? 

i prefer to laugh it off...but uh..the world is not as insanely odd as i am.

but come on world, when the tough gets going,

life's too short to NOT just burst out in laughter.

enjoy the difficult times when you can.

turn a negative situation into a positive situation. :) <3

eminem speaks wisdom

i am currently addicted to this song,

listen to what he says.

he's right. 

sometimes we lie to protect ourselves from what we know will cause pain to us or others,

sometimes we keep it bottled inside so long that it becomes atomic.

sometimes we tell people things that they do not understand completely.

sometimes we gash ourselves open with the truth and the atomic bomb goes off.

sometimes we say all the right things, but they are heard in all the wrong ways.

sometimes you love so much that it suffocates you and you are trapped.

but there is always hope. 

you are never alone. 

no matter how much wrong you have been through,

there is always a light.

there is no end to goodness. 

<3

its times like this, a girl could use......her best friend.

its very hot,

very short,

and sometimes..it can be a very big reality check.

i feel kinda jipped because my friends haven't been calling me-its mostly just been me to them.


but hey. at least someones doing it...right?


lately ive been missing my best friend on his mission very much.
he is an amazing kid and we have gone through a TON together, despite the fact that he has always lived in utah...and i have always lived in arizona...thank goodness efy! he was the best thing that ever came to me through ALL the Especially For Youth camps..


in his last letter to me he asked me to read a talk by president monson and i found possibly the GREATEST quote..

" True love can alter human lives and change human nature."

how true this statement is. 
and how selfish i have felt for getting upset with people over the simplest things. 
never forget to make sure that those you love, KNOW that you love them.


you never know how much a simple
"i love you"
can change 1 person.
...or quite possibly just human nature as well.
<3

butterflies.

now how do you expect me to get any sleep with you haunting my bowels?

it seems to me, that the moment i rid you of my soul, 

you fly right on back inside of me.

i am always conscious of you.

can everyone else see them too?

how embarrassing that must be for those who do see.

you are a part of me.

i cannot or refuse to force you to stay away.

but i will not allow you to settle in my heart. 

you have been there before and that did not make anyone happy.

so stay in my bowels my little friend. 

 you make me smile every time i feel you fly. 

but please settle soon, people are beginning to ask questions. <3

lets test those ears of yours my dear :)

sometimes we feel like little fireflies

free

bright

safe

until walls of glass encompass your world and you begin to panic.

you begin to suffocate in this mysterious jail

only when you fall and begin to lose your light does the curious child realize you are not enjoying your new home.

you plead and beg that the child will release you. 

with a confused look, the child opens the lid and you find yourself and fly free.

but how often does the child ignore your pleads?

through the greeks we learn

Agamemnon ignored his daughter Iphigenia when she plead for him 

to save her from his priests who wanted to sacrifice her

 for good weather on the sail across the sea to the war of troy.

he was her father.

she loved him.

but he didnt listen.

be like the child 

dont be stupid. 

listen.

is that really so difficult? sometimes it only takes a few minutes--
--other times, a few seconds.

listening shows love and consideration and respect.

the only thing i would ever ask, is that you would just listen. <3

yearning for a dream just out of reach.

fingers tingling. 

heart stops beating.

earth stops spinning.

dreams begin colliding.

ballet. 

some people believe it is for sissy's.

then why does it take years of training before it even looks decent?

ballet.

peace.

resolve.

passion. 

heartbreak.

ballet.

ever since i was 3, dance has been my passion.

dance has been in the very marrow of my bones.

it is my drug.

my solace.

my regret.

if she ever knew how much i depended on it...how long i cried when she told me i could no longer have it.

i chose everything over dance. 

but you know moms-they want you to try everything to see if your talents lie elsewhere.

i say that music is my life. 

it is.

but i feel like, possibly in heaven, i was apart of a ballet.

ballet.

i have always desired with my soul for the wooden shoes that rip your feet apart.

willing to sacrifice my feet to the pain of passion and happiness.

there is nothing in the world i dream for more than to spend the rest of my life dedicated to it.

the year i returned to jazz, was the best year and a half of high school.

my biggest fear, is growing old-never having done anything with this yearning in my soul for dance. 

it eats at me day by day.

pricks my toes while sitting in school.

pulls at my waist when i walk.

ballet.

what is success to me?

confidence.

living dreams.

planting a garden.

never putting an end to what you love.

this is how i musicify my life. 

ballet.

midnight in my room.

dinner time in my kitchen.

waiting for shower water to boil.

late in the rain.

my free time, is dance.

 it means more than boys

food

money

love

freedom

it has been there when i could find nothing.

am i good?

no.

but who says "to have a passion, you must be good at it." <3

prom.

“You know, I just wanted to be Cinderella. Just for one night. One night where a guy would, would look at me under those corny-crate paper streamers and say, ‘you look so beautiful.’ And then he’d grab my hand and ask me to dance… isn’t that what prom is supposed to be about?"

i was watching glee the week after prom, and when mercedes said this line, i about died. 

i personally find it hilarious when your on a date with someone and they forget about you  because they are flirting with another girl. 

i laugh now at least. 

it was a good kick that i needed. high school is becoming a little overrated. 

but you know something? 

im still happy. 

my friends are leaving after this summer. i have no idea how that will feel. personally, i dont really want to. it will probably become way more difficult to leave choir! haha

but life goes on. 

birds still sing.

rain still falls. 

children still laugh.

love still exists whether you can find it now or it will come later. 

love still exists-and what else can matter? <3

bucking up and facing fears.

sometimes we love so strongly, that simply the fear of possibly losing the one we love-scares us so much that 

we begin to run.

but where will running get you? 

further from where you want to be.

stop running away, run into the arms of those you love. 

dont pack your bags, pack for a picnic and spend time with the people that matter most to you.

fear is scary, but love is beautiful.

choose your shoes wisely, 

if you pick a crappy pair of shoes, your feet will get super messed up.

dont settle for anything less than the best <3

the game of love.

i dont get it. 

please, someone explain this to me. 

why must we fight for what we want?

play games for the ones we desire?

why must we play hard to get?

act as though we aren't interested but secretly, wishing to fall in love?

why cant we let love just, happen?

how can people be shallow and hurtful, ruining innocent souls and teaching them how to lose trust?

why are people so blind?

you can be sitting right next to someone, hopelessly swoon for someone, 

but you know they will never share your heart.

why is it so hard to say, 

"hey. um. lets be real here. i adore you. lets be in love"

oh waaaait...i forgot. love takes time. 

love isn't easy. 

if its true love, love isn't as perfect as a fairytale, right?

psh. what fairytales are you watching?! 

im sitting in my own self-written one right now :) <3

done dun did it again.

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

done dun did it again.

another wedding. another success. another great sister-in-law. 

another moment that i will forever fight to keep in my memory forever.

today has been a brilliant day. it started with him, and ended with him. 

am i happy? 

no.

i am ecstatic.  

who knew this would all come back?

i like weddings.

they bring attractive boys that dance with me.

(did i just say that?)

hooray for moments that take your breath away....i'd like to not breathe for a bit...if only i could live in that moment just a little longer :) 

a glimpse of future, a touch of fun

oh golly boy...do you not see what you have done?

happy giggles and long embraces

just make me block out all the other faces. 

 focused on music, based on friendship

oh me oh my....have i but failed to mention?

you are the light that shines in my cave,

so camp out with me~so long as you behave...

best friends now, best friends for eternity,

just so long as your feelings dont quit cold turkey.

yup. just wrote that just now. i will be famous someday for my horrid poem writing skills. :D

happiness. who could live without it. especially with a name like his. <3

take luck.

welcome to march. the season when everyone "supposedly" becomes more lucky....so far i have already accomplished to

• trip on everything (including the air) ...more than i often do.
• get sick with a nasty cough
• rip a GINORMOUS hole in my new black skinny jeans
• receive another student for piano lessons... ',:o
• allow my brother to marry an amazing girl :)

yep. im a lucky one. 

actually, im strange when it comes to luck. i dont believe in it. mostly cuz i've never had much of it! but just because you have bad luck-does not mean that you do not have good memories. <3

vanquishing the invisibility cloak :)

life is long and full of interesting stories..

we win some and we lose some.

the key to it all, is to overcome them.

so i had a hard day yesterday...i learned that i may not be able to be in regionals or even tryout for allstate choir. WHAT?! this would be the first year that i have received bad news like that..but. as saddening as that may have been for me, i realized something. 

people notice me.

ok..that sounds odd...but i mean...in class-people notice when im sad..that never happens..

it was wierd..cuz people who i look up to from afar came up to me and questioned my down mood and i may have shed a tear or two yesterday 

                                                              but today, one boy in my choir -who i am sorta acquainted with but i would never expect- walked up to me and asked me how i was doing and why i seemed sad the day before. i told him and he cheered me up-SO MUCH. holy cow. thank you adam. what a great kid. 

choir seriously changes lives. i know mine was completely different before it! and you know, lately i've had these stinky feelings on my mind about how much life has changed and about how everyone is finding someone...and this song came on the radio in ceramics one day---

tells everything perfectly. thanks micheal buble. your the bomb :) 

music. once again. how could anyone live without it???

<3 

Sometimes.

Sometimes sad things happen.

Sometimes you cry.

Sometimes no one will be there to hug you when you need a friend.

But sometimes, theres a little thing called music that drowns out all the bad stuff :)

And sometimes....writing letters to those who make you sad, while listening to music, makes all those sad feelings go away :) <3

backwards and insideout.

have you ever thought about how something completely opposite from you, can turn you upside-down and turned around from how your feeling or who you are?

not make any sense?

try this for a change.

im a strange person.

  thats just how life is. :) 

but im happy in my odd ways :)

...my best friends are all completely different. like...try comparing a tomato to a lawn chair different. but funny thought...

how is it that my best friend, the most negative person in the ENTIRE WORLD~seriously~makes me the HAPPIEST person in the world? it makes absolutely no sense. i spend much time with him and i listen as he complain about the small things-doing chores for his mom-simple things that arent the worst thing (he could be digging holes in the dessert!) but at the same time, hes humorous about it...that or i find it funny...and he laughs with me as i laugh at his complaining :)

it should bring down my spirits too shouldnt it? why is it that when EVERYONE else complains about everything, i get frustrated and wish that they would stop complaining....but when he complains...i get filled with little happy bugs? and then when i leave his house...i feel exposed because everyone can see how big im smiling :) and then i dance around my house for a little while..nbd. i dont think its his complaining that gets me that way...but. who knows :)

i am happy.

who makes you happy? <3

happiness.

so...i went on vacation to utah last week for thanksgiving break and realized how much i love my friends at home. i thought all about what it would be like if i had never had them in my life and how grateful for them i was. there has been so much going through my mind lately and life has been taking its crazy, spontaneous curls and all these little invisible walls keep smaking me in the face..watch out for those p.s. (they arent easily seen..heh) but i came to this solution:

friends are one of gods greatest gift :)

they may not always be around or have the time to tell you they love you,
but...

a BEST FRIEND loves you no matter what.

when i got home, my bestie poo sent me a message telling me he missed me...
and it just makes me want to scream thanks 
to my god for helping me to find someone 
as grand as holden.
ya. 
anyone can be jealous that that spaz of happiness, is one of my favorite best friends.

oh the feeling of being missed.

what could be better? 

i freaking love life right this second. :) <3

Groceries

who knew that by simply doing this...

with your momma could possibly be so enjoyable?!
...but so painful at the same time...

im so excited cuz i found me like the CUTEST pair of flats for winty winter formal at targe (im not a horrid speller because, yes. ehpasis on the french accent)! today has been a good day to live. :) <3>